Slipping

As I sit here in a pondering phase. Melancholic and despair, holding on tight and hard to what reality remains. Anhedonia silently creeps in

<<<Edited>>>

As I sit here in a pondering phase.

Melancholy and despair,

Holding on tight and hard

To what reality remains.

Anhedonia silently creeps in,

Believing the whispers of the wind

Brushing against my ear.

Worthless,

Lazy,

Dead,

The whispering hisses touch my ear.

The darkening darkness

Where I lie,

As the glow from the monitor

Slowly fails.

Silence creeps softly by,

With the clicking of the heater,

Finishing its round.

Drawing around me,

Face aglow by phone light.

All noise falls short of my ears,

Except the dull low beating of my chest.

Each breath I take,

Softer than the last.

Out of the silence,

A voice beckons me to it.

Grabbing for the covers,

Holding tight.

I tell it to go away,

“No,

“Leave me be.”

As silence falls.

Overrun by voices,

Deep breaths of the corner.

Blinded by phone light,

I sink down further.

It beckons me once again,

Promises.

Promises,

To remove the pain.

Its claim to stop the whispers.

Screeching of the night owl fills the air,

Falling silent on my ears.

Nothing be heard but the whispers,

Growing louder.

The voice echoing in the dark,

Talk of relieving the pain.

“You can see the brightest lights,

“If you come hither. “

So long I have fought,

Years of fighting,

To what ends?

Why do I fight?

In cold and dark,

What fears of light,

Do I have?

My chest turns cold,

As the pendulum moves down.

Smooth and sleek,

Glimmering in the darkness,

Grazing the arm.

Its touch creates no pain,

Numbness and sublime.

Reality is but dream,

Waking you up.

The voice drawing closer,

Louder.

Neck hair,

Standing on end.

Why do I resist the nirvana?

What reason to resist?

The mind searches,

No answer,

Finding nothing.

No rhyme or reason,

No cause,

Nothing to say.

Whispers come again,

Friendlessness and shame,

The voice speaks one last time.

Relief

And

Freedom.

I sit here wanting,

Wishing,

Pleading,

For it to come.

No more reasons to resist…

Just let go…

<<<Original Post: March 9, 2011>>>
As I sit here in a pondering phase. Melancholic and despair, holding on tight and hard to what reality remains. Anhedonia silently creeps in from behind, I believe the whispers of the wind brushing against my ear. Worthless, lazy, and dead are but a few of the whispering hisses the touch my ear. The darkness that I lie in gets darker as the glow from the monitor fails, silence creeps softly by, with the clicking of heater finishing its round. Drawing around me face aglow by phone light. All noise falls short of my ears except the dull low beats of my chest. Each breath I take seems softer than the last. Out of the silence a voice beckons me to it. No I say, I grab for the covers, holding tight. I tell it to go away, leave me I say, silence falls and is over run by the voices deep breaths from the corner. Blinded by the phone I sink down further. He beckons me once again to him, this time with promises. Promises to remove the pain. He can stop the whispers he claims. Screeching of the night owl fills the air, yet falls silent on my ears. Nothing to be heard but the whispers only growing louder and his voice echoing in the dark. Talk of relieving the pain. You can see the brightest lights if you come to me he says. So long I’ve fought back, years of fighting, but what’s the point. Why do I fight in the cold and dark. What is to fear of the light? My chest starts to feel cold as the pendulum comes down. Smooth and sleek, even in the dark you can see its glimmer as it moves down grazing my arm. It’s touch creates no pain, in fact it creates a numbness and sublime feeling, like all reality is a dream and it’s waking you up to life. The voice gets closer and louder as the hair on my neck starts to stand on end. Why do I resist the nirvana offered by him. What reason is there to resist, my mind searches for the answer and finds nothing. No reason, no cause, nothing to stay. Whispers come again with talk of shame and no friends, the voice speaks one last time of relief, freedom. I sit here wanting, wishing, pleading, for it to come. No more reasons to resist…Just let go…..

About Hakarune

Trying live life on my terms now I love to travel and have been to a lot of the US, and want to see the whole world and learn every language I can.... I love humor and sarcasm and use them both all the time, to the point where some people hate me for it, but as they say "Like Father Like Son." My dad is awesome and I love him, I missed not having him around when I was growing up, but now I'm making up for lost time. My dad is like my best friend and is like me, just older and not as hansom. Though I've been called worse than him cause I don't filter what I say (at all) and I'm blunt, honest, and speak exactly what I think as well as am a sarcastic ass to the point of occasionally offending people without meaning to, but that's life. Live it and get over it, and make the best of what time you got, don't sweat the small things. View all posts by Hakarune

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